I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
