the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
