yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just invented taco cereal.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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