I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize