he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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