wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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