I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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