Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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