Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
