I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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