What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
