I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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