It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
