The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
