How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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