Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
