I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize