god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize