Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
