that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize