I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
