Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
