The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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