one might say we're banned from that church
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
