You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
