Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
