just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
