What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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