There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i think my cat just said my name.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
