they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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