I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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