real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
