Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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