I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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