i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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