Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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