Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
