I'd wear matching sweaters with you
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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