4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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