you guys were way drunker than both of me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
