Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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