I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
one might say we're banned from that church
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
