I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize