The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
