before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Four minutes until I can fart!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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