i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize