im six kinds of drunk right now
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
