I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
