Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
