you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
