So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
