I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
