wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
