the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
