I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
