Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
