I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
