He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize