I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
