Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
