I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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