Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
