a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize