I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
