Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
