i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My cat gives me a boner
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
