Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
