i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
its not stalking. its research.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
