I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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