i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize