I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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