Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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