Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
