gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
