I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
