so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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