Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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