Betty ford says i'm here all night
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
