I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize