he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
