me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
