u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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