the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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