sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
