You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
