saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
