so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
