i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
